Xem trong Thư phòng    Xem định dạng khác Xem định dạng khác    Xem Mục lục Xem Mục lục 

SÁCH AMAZON


Mua bản sách in

Gina Sharpe is co-founder and a member of the Teachers' Association of the New York Insight Meditation Center, USA. She also teaches meditation at other centers.

Forgiveness is not easy. When we have been harmed, hurt, betrayed, abandoned, or exploited, forgiveness seems impossible. However, unless we find a way to forgive, we will forever hold on to anger and fear.

Imagine what the world would be like without forgiveness. Imagine what it would be like if everyone held on to every hurt, every resentment, every anger that arose when we felt betrayed. If we kept it all in our hearts and refused to let it go, life would be miserable.

Not knowing how to forgive means we have to carry with us the pain of the past. As Jack Kornfield said, “Forgiveness is the letting go of any hope of making the past better.” In that sense, forgiveness is not about someone’s harmful actions; it’s about our relationship with our past. When we begin to forgive, it’s the beginning of our own practice.

Theravada Buddhist monk Maha Ghosananda, known as the “Gandhi of Cambodia,” led Dhammayietra (Pilgrimage of Truth) meditation walks in the early 1990s, after peace treaties had been signed to end the civil war between the Khmer Rouge and the new Cambodian government.

When Ghosananda died in 2007, at the age of 78, a eulogy in The Economist detailed his experiences traveling through postwar Cambodia. He often found the war still raging. Rockets still flew over the pilgrims, gunfire continued around them. Some pilgrims were killed. Many turned back in fear, but Ghosananda resolutely chose to go through the conflict. Sometimes the meditators were caught in the middle of long lines of refugees, their feet swollen like theirs, dragging carts and bicycles loaded with mattresses, pots and pans, and chickens. “We must have the courage to leave our peaceful temples,” Ghosananda said firmly, “to go into temples filled with the suffering of living beings.”

Though the Khmer Rouge had banned worship, had razed monasteries, and thrown destroyed Buddha statues into the rivers, the old customs remained. When the soldiers heard Ghosananda’s advice, “Hatred cannot be appeased by hatred; hatred can only be appeased by love,” they laid down their weapons and knelt by the roadside. Villagers brought water for him to purify, and they stuck burning incense sticks into it as a sign that the war was over… He could not leave the world. Instead of devoting himself to his own monastery, he built temporary huts as temples in the refugee camps.

Ghosananda built these temples even though the remnants of the Khmer Rouge had threatened to kill him if he disobeyed them. As thousands of refugees flocked to these temples, he distributed copies of the Buddha's Metta Sutta printed on worn sheets of paper:

With a mind open

I embrace all living beings:

My loving-kindness shines in all directions,

Reaching the sky,

Descending to the earth.

This story is a poignant reminder of what forgiveness can do. Elder Ghosananda's family was destroyed by the Khmer Rouge, and during their rule, Buddhist monks were considered social parasites. They were stripped of their robes, forced into labor, or killed: of the 60,000 monks, only 3,000 remained in Cambodia after the war. But despite what he had suffered under the Khmer Rouge, Elder Ghosananda still had forgiveness in his heart for them.

Forgiveness frees us from the power of fear, helps us to see things with wisdom, with compassion. First, we need to understand the mind of tolerance and forgiveness: then we learn how to practice it and how to forgive ourselves and others. The Buddha taught that, “If the minds of sentient beings were not free from greed, anger, delusion, and fear, I would not teach it and would not ask them to practice it.” The power of tolerance and forgiveness frees us from the power of fear.

Our practice of loving-kindness can be enhanced by the practice of tolerance and forgiveness, because it helps us to see others with kindness, with wisdom, with peace of mind. It is never too late to let go of anger and fear and settle into peace and forgiveness. But to cultivate a truly loving, kind heart, we need to cultivate practices that strengthen our already existing forgiveness, tolerance, and compassion. Forgiveness enables us to face suffering—our own suffering and that of others—with compassion.

Forgiveness is not a superficial way of brushing aside what has happened. It is not about putting a smile on your face and saying, “It’s okay. I don’t care.” It is not a false attempt to suppress the pain or ignore it. If you have experienced a terrible injustice, sometimes forgiveness requires a process that includes pain, anger, sadness, and loss.

Forgiveness is a deep process that needs to be practiced over and over again in our hearts. It involves pain, it involves resentment. Gradually, over time, it leads to the freedom of true forgiveness. If we look honestly at our lives, we can see the sorrow and suffering that led to our wrongdoings. We are not just victims; sometimes we are also creators. We need to be forgiven. In that way, we can finally forgive ourselves and bury the pain in our compassionate hearts. Without that forgiveness, that tolerance, we live in isolation, in exile.

As you practice the following forgiveness techniques, feel a little or a lot of release in your heart. Or if there is no release, feel that too. If you are not ready to forgive, that is okay too. Sometimes the process of forgiveness takes a lifetime, and that’s okay. You can do it in your own time and in your own way. We shouldn’t force our emotions, so if all you can do is acknowledge the harm that happened, that’s enough. Emotions can’t be forced, they just happen when they happen, because they’re already there deep down inside us. So if you’ve been hurt and closed off your emotions, you can acknowledge that as part of the harm. You feel what you feel, and vice versa. Forgiveness is an attitude of openness, generosity, and tolerance, not a feeling we create in our body and mind.

We practice with the belief that as we repeat it, our body and mind will receive it. That is the beauty of these practices, we know that we are not in control of the results of the practice, but we are in control of how we practice – whether we practice with patience, diligence, determination, wisdom and effort. We do not know how it will affect our life. We do not try to make things happen, because in trying to make things happen, we miss the beauty and joy of when something does happen.

The practice of forgiveness

This practice of forgiveness has three parts: 1-Forgiveness from others, 2-Forgiveness for ourselves, 3-Forgiveness for those who have harmed us. These practices are not binding, so if you do not feel the need to ask for forgiveness, then you do not participate. If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, you can sit quietly and see if there is a small opening in your heart that lets in the smallest bit of light. And if you feel like you can’t forgive someone because you think their actions are unforgivable, then you need to know that too. In the process of practicing, we reflect on what kind of pain and bitterness we are holding onto, and how it torments our hearts. If you can only forgive a very small part of it, that’s okay. It’s a process of undoing that sometimes takes a lifetime.

Maybe you shouldn’t start with the big things that you haven’t wanted to forgive yet. Maybe you should start with small things. Let your mind get used to practicing forgiveness. Just like when you’re exercising, you don’t start by lifting 250 kilos. We have to start with small pieces of iron, so that the muscles start working. Then gradually we increase the weight. Likewise, when we practice forgiveness, we start with small things, and gradually our capacity for forgiveness will grow so that we can face suffering - our own suffering as well as that of others - with compassion.

Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and breathe naturally, without effort. Relax your body and mind. Feel the connection between you and the universe. Let the breath gently travel throughout your body, especially into your heart.

As you breathe, feel all the barriers you have built up, the feelings you have harbored because you have not been able to forgive yourself and others. Be aware of the pain of closing your heart.

Forgiveness from others

As you breathe into your heart, feel any dryness there, silently repeat the following words: “I have hurt, harmed others in many ways. I remember now. The ways I have betrayed, abandoned, caused suffering, intentionally or unintentionally, out of pain, fear, anger, or ignorance.” Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See the suffering you have caused others out of fear, out of ignorance. Feeling this, you will finally let go of this burden and ask for forgiveness. Take some time to visualize the memory that weighs on your heart. As each individual face comes to mind, gently say, “I ask for forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness.”

Forgive Yourself

To ask for forgiveness for yourself, silently say, “When I have caused suffering to others, I have also been hurt and harmed in many ways. How many times have I betrayed or abandoned myself in thought, word, or action, intentionally or unintentionally.” Remember the ways you have harmed yourself. And forgive each harmful action. “For the ways in which I have harmed myself through action or thought, through fear, suffering, and ignorance, I now sincerely repent. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.”

Forgive those who have harmed us

To develop a mind of forgiveness for those who have harmed us, repeat: “I have been harmed, exploited, abandoned by others in many ways, intentionally or unintentionally, by word, thought, or deed.” Visualize the ways you have felt harmed. Notice them. Each harm. Remember these as real to you, and feel the pain you have carried in the past. And now feel that you can let go of this burden by forgiving gradually when your mind is ready. Don’t force it; you don’t have to let go of everything in one sitting.

It is important to practice in small steps what you feel ready to forgive. Say to yourself: “I remember the ways I have been hurt, harmed. And I know it was caused by the other person’s fear, ignorance, suffering, and anger. I have carried this wound in my heart long enough. Because I am ready, I forgive you. You have hurt me, and I sincerely forgive you. I forgive you.”

These three forgiveness practices can be gently repeated over and over again until you feel a sense of peace. For some serious hurts, you may not feel a sense of peace. On the contrary, you may even re-experience the hurt and anger you once suffered. In that case, you can just think about it briefly, then forgive yourself for not being ready to let go and move on.

» Tải file Word về máy » - In chương sách này

Tiếp tục nghe? 🎧

Bạn có muốn nghe tiếp từ phân đoạn đã dừng không?