Trả ai năm tháng trên màu áo,
Nhạt màu thuở ấy vạt áo bay.
Hoen hoen vạt nắng màu năm cũ,
Giọt tình vương áo giọt xanh xao.

Lung linh giọt nhỏ nắng trên vai.
Hai bờ vai áo tóc em dài.
Đưa tay em vén tình xưa lại,
Tình nào vương vướng sợi tóc mai.

Vạt áo ngày xưa bay trong nắng,
Xanh nõn tình ai vạt nắng hồng.
Màu áo ngày xưa tình còn thắm?
Hay đã phai rồi giọt nắng trong.

Gửi trả thời gian cho hư không,
Ta trả lung linh cho vạt nắng,
Trà cả hoen xưa màu áo cũ,
Rớt lại lòng ta chút bụi hồng?

Bures-Sur-Yvette, 02.05.02

Chữ "bụi hồng" trong câu kết của bài thơ có nghĩa là gì? "Bụi hồng" hay "hồng trần"/紅塵 là một thuật ngữ thuộc nền văn hóa Trung quốc, nói lên cảnh phồn hoa đô hội hay chốn trần ai. Tuy không phải là một thuật ngữ Phật giáo thế nhưng dường như cũng phản ảnh một chút quan điểm của Phật giáo khi nêu lên cảnh bon chen và khổ đau của thế giới trần tục. "Bụi hồng" cũng là "bụi đỏ" trong câu kết của bài hát "Ngày xưa Hoàng Thị" của Phạm Duy.

Bài thơ "Màu xưa" trên đây được viết sau khi nghe bài hát "Ngày xưa Hoàng Thị" do ca sĩ Thái Thanh trình diễn. Các vần thơ "trữ tình" của Phạm Thiên Thư một thi sĩ đáng kính, dòng nhạc valse nhịp nhàng và lã lướt của Phạm Duy một nhạc sĩ "đa cảm", cùng với tiếng hát "vượt thời gian" của ca sĩ Thái Thanh, đã tạo ra một tác phẩm nổi tiếng trong nền thi ca cận đại. Nếu người đọc chưa có dịp nghe thì cứ gõ vào máy vi tính các chữ: "Ngày xưa Hoàng Thị - Thái Thanh".

Bài hát được nhiều người ưa chuộng, thế nhưng dường như không mấy ai chú ý đến ý nghĩa của câu kết: "Ai mang bụi đỏ đi rồi, ai mang bụi đỏ đi rồi, ai mang bụi đỏ đi rồi...". Tiếng hát nhỏ dần,

nhỏ dần, nghẹn ngào và tắt lim..., dường như nói lên một sự mất mát, một niềm tiếc nuối không nguôi. Tiếng hát dù đã tắt, thế nhưng tiếng dương cầm vẫn còn réo rắt lê thê...

Cách nay nhiều năm, có một bác sĩ cho tôi biết tại một bệnh viện, từ lúc sáng sớm đã có hàng trăm phụ nữ ngồi chờ phá thai. Hình ảnh đó khiến tôi bàng hoàng, một niềm thương cảm dâng lên trong tôi và ám ảnh tôi từ đó. Khi bản năng truyền giống mới bắt đầu chớm nở thì thật là thơ mộng:

Anh trao vội vàng
Chùm hoa mới nở,
Ép vào cuối vở,
Muôn thuở còn thương, còn thương...
Em đi dịu dàng,
Bờ vai em nhỏ.

Ôm nghiêng tập vở,
Tóc dài tà áo vờn bay.
Anh theo Ngọ về,
Gót giày lặng lẽ đường quê.
Âm vang thuở nào,
Bước nhỏ tìm nhau, tìm nhau...

Thế nhưng khi cái bản năng truyền giống đó trở nên thiết thực và cụ thể hơn, thì biết đâu cũng có thể sẽ phải chen chân ở cổng một bệnh viện. Khổ đau của con người đôi khi rất phủ phàng là như vậy. Vì thế cứ hãy:

Trả cả hoen xưa màu áo cũ
Rớt lại lòng ta chút bụi hồng.

Trong cuộc sống, đôi khi chúng ta chỉ trông thấy ảo giác nhưng không trông thấy nguyên nhân tạo ra ảo giác. Giáo lý Phật giáo giúp chúng ta trông thấy cả hai khía cạnh đó. Khía cạnh thứ nhất là một "giáo-lý-thế-tục", tiếng Phạn gọi là Laukikadharma, tiền ngữ laukika có nghĩa là tầm thường hay thường tình, đó là một thứ giáo lý giúp con người trông thấy ảo giác trong thế giới, nhưng không giúp con người vượt lên trên thế giới. Khía cạnh thứ hai là một "giáo-lý-siêu-thế-tục", tiếng Phạn gọi là Lokottaradharma, tiền ngữ lokottara có nghĩa là siêu nhiên, giúp con người bừng tỉnh hầu vượt lên trên thế giới,. Sống phải chăng đôi khi cũng cần trông thấy cả hai khía cạnh đó.

Mùa xuân cùng

với các ngày Tết là mùa "rạo rực" nhất của các thứ bản năng, nhất là bản năng truyền giống, đối với con người, muôn thú và cả cỏ cây.

Bures-sur-Yvette, 24.01.20
(Tết Canh Tý)
Hoang Phong





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