Người ngu nghĩ mình ngu, nhờ vậy thành có trí. Người ngu tưởng có trí, thật xứng gọi chí ngu.Kinh Pháp cú (Kệ số 63)
Hãy lặng lẽ quan sát những tư tưởng và hành xử của bạn. Bạn sâu lắng hơn cái tâm thức đang suy nghĩ, bạn là sự tĩnh lặng sâu lắng hơn những ồn náo của tâm thức ấy. Bạn là tình thương và niềm vui còn chìm khuất dưới những nỗi đau. (Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinkers. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.)Eckhart Tolle
Đôi khi ta e ngại về cái giá phải trả để hoàn thiện bản thân, nhưng không biết rằng cái giá của sự không hoàn thiện lại còn đắt hơn!Sưu tầm
Sự nguy hại của nóng giận còn hơn cả lửa dữ. Kinh Lời dạy cuối cùng
Ngu dốt không đáng xấu hổ bằng kẻ không chịu học. (Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.)Benjamin Franklin
Hạnh phúc là khi những gì bạn suy nghĩ, nói ra và thực hiện đều hòa hợp với nhau. (Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.)Mahatma Gandhi
Thường tự xét lỗi mình, đừng nói lỗi người khác. Kinh Đại Bát Niết-bàn
Để sống hạnh phúc bạn cần rất ít, và tất cả đều sẵn có trong chính bạn, trong phương cách suy nghĩ của bạn. (Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.)Marcus Aurelius
Bạn nhận biết được tình yêu khi tất cả những gì bạn muốn là mang đến niềm vui cho người mình yêu, ngay cả khi bạn không hiện diện trong niềm vui ấy. (You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.)Julia Roberts
Người nhiều lòng tham giống như cầm đuốc đi ngược gió, thế nào cũng bị lửa táp vào tay. Kinh Bốn mươi hai chương
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- About Bhikkhu Bodhi
- Foreword by His Holiness The Dalai Lama
- Prologue
- General Introduction
- I. RIGHT UNDERSTANDING
- II. PERSONAL TRAINING
- III. DEALING WITH ANGER
- IV. PROPER SPEECH
- »» V. GOOD FRIENDSHIP
- VI. ONE’S OWN GOOD AND THE GOOD OF OTHERS
- VII. THE INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY
- VIII. DISPUTES
- IX. SETTLING DISPUTES
- X. ESTABLISHING AN EQUITABLE SOCIETY
- Epilogue BY HOZAN ALAN SENAUKE
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Introduction
Strong communities depend on the personal relations between their members, and the most basic relation between people outside family connections is that of friendship. With Part V, as we move from personal cultivation, the focus of the previous chapters, to the establishment of interpersonal relations, we naturally begin with friendship. The Buddha placed special emphasis on one’s choice of friends, which he saw as having a profound influence on one’s individual development as well as on the creation of a harmonious and ethically upright community. Good friendship is essential not only because it benefits us in times of trouble, satisfies our social instincts, and enlarges our sphere of concern from the self to others.
It is critical because good friendship plants in us the sense of discretion, the ability to distinguish between good and bad, right and wrong, and to choose the honorable over the expedient. Therefore the Buddha says that all other good qualities unfold from good friendship, and the popular Maṅgala Sutta, which enumerates thirty-two blessings, begins with “the avoidance of foolish persons and association with the wise.”1
I start Part V with two short suttas — Texts V,1(1)–(2) — which enumerate the qualities of a good friend. The first is general, while the second is more specific to monastic life. Text V,2 continues along the same track, but analyzes the qualities of a true friend in greater detail, distinguishing four types of “kind-hearted friends” and enumerating the distinctive qualities of each. Text V,3 is extracted from a discourse addressed to a layman named Byagghapajja, who had inquired from the Buddha about things that “will lead to our welfare and happiness in this present life and in future lives.” The Buddha responded by explaining four sources of benefit for a layperson in the present life: personal initiative, protection of one’s wealth, good friendship, and balanced living. He followed this with four sources of benefit in future lives: faith, virtuous behavior, generosity, and wisdom. The friends with whom the layperson is advised to associate are those who exhort one in those same four qualities. Thus where the first, second, and fourth factors subsumed under temporal well-being are all concerned with ensuring one’s economic security, good friendship is intended to establish a commitment to the values conducive to spiritual well-being. From this, it can be seen that while good friendship is listed under the factors pertaining to present welfare, on inspection it actually serves as a stimulus to spiritual development and thus becomes a bridge that connects temporal good in the present life with one’s long-range well-being in lives to come.
Monastic life in Early Buddhism is sometimes imagined to be a solitary adventure in which the aspirant perpetually “dwells alone, withdrawn, diligent, ardent, and resolute.”2 There are indeed texts that convey such an impression. For instance, in verse after verse, the Khaggavisāṇa Sutta of the Suttanipāta enjoins the earnest seeker to forsake the crowd and “wander alone like the horn of a rhinoceros” (eko care khaggavisāṇakappo). Taken in isolation, these texts can be read as endorsing a highly individualistic version of monastic life in which all companionship is to be avoided. In actuality, however, just the opposite is the prevalent model. The Buddha created a community of men and women dedicated to the full-time practice of his teaching, and just as he advised laypeople to associate with good friends, he also instructed monastics to seek out good companions and guides in the spiritual life. He says that just as the dawn is the forerunner of the sunrise, so good friendship is the forerunner for the arising of the noble eightfold path, the “one thing very helpful for the arising of the noble eightfold path”; and, he adds, there is no other factor so conducive to the arising of the path as good friendship.3
In this section I have included two suttas that highlight the role of good friendship in the monastic life. In Text V,4(1), when Ānanda comes to the Buddha and announces that good friendship is “half of the spiritual life,” the Blessed One first restrains him and then corrects him by declaring that good friendship is “the entire spiritual life.” And in Text V,4(2) he explains to the willful monk Meghiya four ways in which associating with good friends can bring to maturity the factors that ripen in liberation. The Vinaya shows how good friendship extends to the relationship between a preceptor and his pupils and between a teacher and his students. The Mahāvagga describes in vivid detail how teachers and students support one another and care for one another in living the spiritual life, but in this compilation I have limited my selections to texts from the corpus of suttas.4
V. Good Friendship
1. THE QUALITIES OF A TRUE FRIEND
(1) Seven Factors
“Monks, one should associate with a friend who possesses seven factors. What seven? (1) He gives what is hard to give. (2) He does what is hard to do. (3) He patiently endures what is hard to endure. (4) He reveals his secrets to you. (5) He preserves your secrets. (6) He does not forsake you when you are in trouble. (7) He does not roughly despise you. One should associate with a friend who possesses these seven factors.”
A friend gives what is hard to give,
and he does what is hard to do.
He forgives you your harsh words
and endures what is hard to endure.
He tells you his secrets,
yet he preserves your secrets.
He does not forsake you in difficulties,
nor does he roughly despise you.
The person here in whom
these qualities are found is a friend.
One desiring a friend
should resort to such a person.
(AN 7:36, NDB 1021–22)
(2) Another Seven Factors
“Monks, one should associate with a monk friend who possesses seven qualities; one should resort to him and attend on him even if he dismisses you. What seven? (1) He is pleasing and agreeable; (2) he is respected and (3) esteemed; (4) he is a speaker; (5) he patiently endures being spoken to; (6) he gives deep talks; and (7) he does not enjoin one to do what is wrong.”
He is dear, respected, and esteemed,
a speaker and one who endures speech;
he gives deep talks and does not enjoin one
to do what is wrong.
The person here in whom
these qualities are found is a friend,
benevolent and compassionate.
Even if one is dismissed by him,
one desiring a friend
should resort to such a person.
(AN 7:37, NDB 1022)
2. FOUR KINDS OF GOOD FRIENDS
[The Buddha is speaking to a young man named Sīgalaka:] “Young man, there are these four kinds of kind-hearted friends: the friend who is helpful; the friend who shares one’s happiness and suffering; the friend who points out what is good; and the friend who is sympathetic.
“In four cases a helpful friend can be understood. He protects you when you are heedless; he looks after your property when you are heedless; he is a refuge when you are frightened; and when some need arises, he gives you twice the wealth required.
“In four cases a friend who shares one’s happiness and suffering can be understood. He reveals his secrets to you; he guards your own secrets; he does not abandon you when you are in trouble; and he would even sacrifice his life for your sake.
“In four cases a friend who points out what is good can be understood. He restrains you from evil; he enjoins you in the good; he informs you of what you have not heard; and he points out to you the path to heaven.
“In four cases a sympathetic friend can be understood. He does not rejoice in your misfortune; he rejoices in your good fortune; he stops those who speak dispraise of you; and he commends those who speak praise of you.”
(from DN 31, LDB 465–66)
3. GOOD FRIENDSHIP IN THE HOUSEHOLD LIFE
“What is good friendship? Here, in whatever village or town a clansman lives, he associates with householders or their sons — whether young and of mature virtue, or old and of mature virtue — who are accomplished in faith, virtuous behavior, generosity, and wisdom; he converses with them and engages in discussions with them. Insofar as they are accomplished in faith, he emulates them with respect to their faith; insofar as they are accomplished in virtuous behavior, he emulates them with respect to their virtuous behavior; insofar as they are accomplished in generosity, he emulates them with respect to their generosity; insofar as they are accomplished in wisdom, he emulates them with respect to their wisdom. This is called good friendship.”
(from AN 8:54, NDB 1194–95)
4. GOOD FRIENDSHIP IN MONASTIC LIFE
(1) To Ānanda
Venerable Ānanda approached the Blessed One, paid homage to him, sat down to one side, and said: “Bhante, this is half of the spiritual life, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
“Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! This is the entire spiritual life, Ānanda, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship. When a monk has a good friend, a good companion, a good comrade, it is to be expected that he will develop and cultivate the noble eightfold path.
“And how, Ānanda, does a monk with a good friend develop and cultivate the noble eightfold path? Here, a monk develops right view, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. He develops right intention . . . right speech . . . right action . . . right livelihood . . . right effort . . . right mindfulness . . . right concentration, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. It is in this way, Ānanda, that a monk with a good friend develops and cultivates the noble eightfold path.
“By the following method too, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire spiritual life is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship: by relying upon me as a good friend, beings subject to birth are freed from birth; beings subject to old age are freed from old age; beings subject to death are freed from death; beings subject to sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair are freed from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair. By this method too, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire spiritual life is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
(SN 45:2, CDB 1524–25)
(2) When a Monk Has Good Friends
“Meghiya, when liberation of mind has not matured, five things lead to its maturation. What five? (1) Here, Meghiya, a monk has good friends, good companions, good comrades. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the first thing that leads to its maturation. (2) Again, a monk is virtuous; he dwells restrained by the Pātimokkha,5 possessed of good conduct and resort, seeing danger in minute faults. Having undertaken the training rules, he trains in them. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the second thing that leads to its maturation. (3) Again, a monk gets to hear at will, without trouble or difficulty, talk concerned with the austere life that is conducive to opening up the heart. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the third thing that leads to its maturation. (4) Again, a monk has aroused energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and acquiring wholesome qualities; he is strong, firm in exertion, not casting off the duty of cultivating wholesome qualities. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the fourth thing that leads to its maturation. (5) Again, a monk is wise; he possesses the wisdom that discerns arising and passing away, which is noble and penetrative and leads to the complete destruction of suffering. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the fifth thing that leads to its maturation.
“When, Meghiya, a monk has good friends, good companions, good comrades, it can be expected of him that he will be virtuous, one who dwells restrained by the Pātimokkha; that he will get to hear at will, without trouble or difficulty, talk concerned with the austere life that is conducive to opening up the heart; that he will arouse energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and cultivating wholesome qualities; that he will be wise, possessing the wisdom that discerns arising and passing away, which is noble and penetrative and leads to the complete destruction of suffering.”
(from AN 9:3, NDB 1249–50; see too Ud 4.1)
Strong communities depend on the personal relations between their members, and the most basic relation between people outside family connections is that of friendship. With Part V, as we move from personal cultivation, the focus of the previous chapters, to the establishment of interpersonal relations, we naturally begin with friendship. The Buddha placed special emphasis on one’s choice of friends, which he saw as having a profound influence on one’s individual development as well as on the creation of a harmonious and ethically upright community. Good friendship is essential not only because it benefits us in times of trouble, satisfies our social instincts, and enlarges our sphere of concern from the self to others.
It is critical because good friendship plants in us the sense of discretion, the ability to distinguish between good and bad, right and wrong, and to choose the honorable over the expedient. Therefore the Buddha says that all other good qualities unfold from good friendship, and the popular Maṅgala Sutta, which enumerates thirty-two blessings, begins with “the avoidance of foolish persons and association with the wise.”1
I start Part V with two short suttas — Texts V,1(1)–(2) — which enumerate the qualities of a good friend. The first is general, while the second is more specific to monastic life. Text V,2 continues along the same track, but analyzes the qualities of a true friend in greater detail, distinguishing four types of “kind-hearted friends” and enumerating the distinctive qualities of each. Text V,3 is extracted from a discourse addressed to a layman named Byagghapajja, who had inquired from the Buddha about things that “will lead to our welfare and happiness in this present life and in future lives.” The Buddha responded by explaining four sources of benefit for a layperson in the present life: personal initiative, protection of one’s wealth, good friendship, and balanced living. He followed this with four sources of benefit in future lives: faith, virtuous behavior, generosity, and wisdom. The friends with whom the layperson is advised to associate are those who exhort one in those same four qualities. Thus where the first, second, and fourth factors subsumed under temporal well-being are all concerned with ensuring one’s economic security, good friendship is intended to establish a commitment to the values conducive to spiritual well-being. From this, it can be seen that while good friendship is listed under the factors pertaining to present welfare, on inspection it actually serves as a stimulus to spiritual development and thus becomes a bridge that connects temporal good in the present life with one’s long-range well-being in lives to come.
Monastic life in Early Buddhism is sometimes imagined to be a solitary adventure in which the aspirant perpetually “dwells alone, withdrawn, diligent, ardent, and resolute.”2 There are indeed texts that convey such an impression. For instance, in verse after verse, the Khaggavisāṇa Sutta of the Suttanipāta enjoins the earnest seeker to forsake the crowd and “wander alone like the horn of a rhinoceros” (eko care khaggavisāṇakappo). Taken in isolation, these texts can be read as endorsing a highly individualistic version of monastic life in which all companionship is to be avoided. In actuality, however, just the opposite is the prevalent model. The Buddha created a community of men and women dedicated to the full-time practice of his teaching, and just as he advised laypeople to associate with good friends, he also instructed monastics to seek out good companions and guides in the spiritual life. He says that just as the dawn is the forerunner of the sunrise, so good friendship is the forerunner for the arising of the noble eightfold path, the “one thing very helpful for the arising of the noble eightfold path”; and, he adds, there is no other factor so conducive to the arising of the path as good friendship.3
In this section I have included two suttas that highlight the role of good friendship in the monastic life. In Text V,4(1), when Ānanda comes to the Buddha and announces that good friendship is “half of the spiritual life,” the Blessed One first restrains him and then corrects him by declaring that good friendship is “the entire spiritual life.” And in Text V,4(2) he explains to the willful monk Meghiya four ways in which associating with good friends can bring to maturity the factors that ripen in liberation. The Vinaya shows how good friendship extends to the relationship between a preceptor and his pupils and between a teacher and his students. The Mahāvagga describes in vivid detail how teachers and students support one another and care for one another in living the spiritual life, but in this compilation I have limited my selections to texts from the corpus of suttas.4
V. Good Friendship
1. THE QUALITIES OF A TRUE FRIEND
(1) Seven Factors
“Monks, one should associate with a friend who possesses seven factors. What seven? (1) He gives what is hard to give. (2) He does what is hard to do. (3) He patiently endures what is hard to endure. (4) He reveals his secrets to you. (5) He preserves your secrets. (6) He does not forsake you when you are in trouble. (7) He does not roughly despise you. One should associate with a friend who possesses these seven factors.”
A friend gives what is hard to give,
and he does what is hard to do.
He forgives you your harsh words
and endures what is hard to endure.
He tells you his secrets,
yet he preserves your secrets.
He does not forsake you in difficulties,
nor does he roughly despise you.
The person here in whom
these qualities are found is a friend.
One desiring a friend
should resort to such a person.
(AN 7:36, NDB 1021–22)
(2) Another Seven Factors
“Monks, one should associate with a monk friend who possesses seven qualities; one should resort to him and attend on him even if he dismisses you. What seven? (1) He is pleasing and agreeable; (2) he is respected and (3) esteemed; (4) he is a speaker; (5) he patiently endures being spoken to; (6) he gives deep talks; and (7) he does not enjoin one to do what is wrong.”
He is dear, respected, and esteemed,
a speaker and one who endures speech;
he gives deep talks and does not enjoin one
to do what is wrong.
The person here in whom
these qualities are found is a friend,
benevolent and compassionate.
Even if one is dismissed by him,
one desiring a friend
should resort to such a person.
(AN 7:37, NDB 1022)
2. FOUR KINDS OF GOOD FRIENDS
[The Buddha is speaking to a young man named Sīgalaka:] “Young man, there are these four kinds of kind-hearted friends: the friend who is helpful; the friend who shares one’s happiness and suffering; the friend who points out what is good; and the friend who is sympathetic.
“In four cases a helpful friend can be understood. He protects you when you are heedless; he looks after your property when you are heedless; he is a refuge when you are frightened; and when some need arises, he gives you twice the wealth required.
“In four cases a friend who shares one’s happiness and suffering can be understood. He reveals his secrets to you; he guards your own secrets; he does not abandon you when you are in trouble; and he would even sacrifice his life for your sake.
“In four cases a friend who points out what is good can be understood. He restrains you from evil; he enjoins you in the good; he informs you of what you have not heard; and he points out to you the path to heaven.
“In four cases a sympathetic friend can be understood. He does not rejoice in your misfortune; he rejoices in your good fortune; he stops those who speak dispraise of you; and he commends those who speak praise of you.”
(from DN 31, LDB 465–66)
3. GOOD FRIENDSHIP IN THE HOUSEHOLD LIFE
“What is good friendship? Here, in whatever village or town a clansman lives, he associates with householders or their sons — whether young and of mature virtue, or old and of mature virtue — who are accomplished in faith, virtuous behavior, generosity, and wisdom; he converses with them and engages in discussions with them. Insofar as they are accomplished in faith, he emulates them with respect to their faith; insofar as they are accomplished in virtuous behavior, he emulates them with respect to their virtuous behavior; insofar as they are accomplished in generosity, he emulates them with respect to their generosity; insofar as they are accomplished in wisdom, he emulates them with respect to their wisdom. This is called good friendship.”
(from AN 8:54, NDB 1194–95)
4. GOOD FRIENDSHIP IN MONASTIC LIFE
(1) To Ānanda
Venerable Ānanda approached the Blessed One, paid homage to him, sat down to one side, and said: “Bhante, this is half of the spiritual life, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
“Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! This is the entire spiritual life, Ānanda, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship. When a monk has a good friend, a good companion, a good comrade, it is to be expected that he will develop and cultivate the noble eightfold path.
“And how, Ānanda, does a monk with a good friend develop and cultivate the noble eightfold path? Here, a monk develops right view, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. He develops right intention . . . right speech . . . right action . . . right livelihood . . . right effort . . . right mindfulness . . . right concentration, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. It is in this way, Ānanda, that a monk with a good friend develops and cultivates the noble eightfold path.
“By the following method too, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire spiritual life is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship: by relying upon me as a good friend, beings subject to birth are freed from birth; beings subject to old age are freed from old age; beings subject to death are freed from death; beings subject to sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair are freed from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair. By this method too, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire spiritual life is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
(SN 45:2, CDB 1524–25)
(2) When a Monk Has Good Friends
“Meghiya, when liberation of mind has not matured, five things lead to its maturation. What five? (1) Here, Meghiya, a monk has good friends, good companions, good comrades. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the first thing that leads to its maturation. (2) Again, a monk is virtuous; he dwells restrained by the Pātimokkha,5 possessed of good conduct and resort, seeing danger in minute faults. Having undertaken the training rules, he trains in them. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the second thing that leads to its maturation. (3) Again, a monk gets to hear at will, without trouble or difficulty, talk concerned with the austere life that is conducive to opening up the heart. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the third thing that leads to its maturation. (4) Again, a monk has aroused energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and acquiring wholesome qualities; he is strong, firm in exertion, not casting off the duty of cultivating wholesome qualities. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the fourth thing that leads to its maturation. (5) Again, a monk is wise; he possesses the wisdom that discerns arising and passing away, which is noble and penetrative and leads to the complete destruction of suffering. When liberation of mind has not matured, this is the fifth thing that leads to its maturation.
“When, Meghiya, a monk has good friends, good companions, good comrades, it can be expected of him that he will be virtuous, one who dwells restrained by the Pātimokkha; that he will get to hear at will, without trouble or difficulty, talk concerned with the austere life that is conducive to opening up the heart; that he will arouse energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and cultivating wholesome qualities; that he will be wise, possessing the wisdom that discerns arising and passing away, which is noble and penetrative and leads to the complete destruction of suffering.”
(from AN 9:3, NDB 1249–50; see too Ud 4.1)
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Viên Hiếu Thành Huệ Lộc 1959 Bữu Phước Chúc Huy Minh Pháp Tự minh hung thich Diệu Âm Phúc Thành Phan Huy Triều Phạm Thiên Trương Quang Quý Johny Dinhvinh1964 Pascal Bui Vạn Phúc Giác Quý Trần Thị Huyền Chanhniem Forever NGUYỄN TRỌNG TÀI KỲ Dương Ngọc Cường Mr. Device Tri Huynh Thích Nguyên Mạnh Thích Quảng Ba T TH Tam Thien Tam Nguyễn Sĩ Long caokiem hoangquycong Lãn Tử Ton That Nguyen ngtieudao Lê Quốc Việt Du Miên Quang-Tu Vu phamthanh210 An Khang 63 zeus7777 Trương Ngọc Trân Diệu Tiến ... ...
Việt Nam (161 lượt xem) - Senegal (13 lượt xem) - Hoa Kỳ (12 lượt xem) - ... ...
Viên Hiếu Thành Huệ Lộc 1959 Bữu Phước Chúc Huy Minh Pháp Tự minh hung thich Diệu Âm Phúc Thành Phan Huy Triều Phạm Thiên Trương Quang Quý Johny Dinhvinh1964 Pascal Bui Vạn Phúc Giác Quý Trần Thị Huyền Chanhniem Forever NGUYỄN TRỌNG TÀI KỲ Dương Ngọc Cường Mr. Device Tri Huynh Thích Nguyên Mạnh Thích Quảng Ba T TH Tam Thien Tam Nguyễn Sĩ Long caokiem hoangquycong Lãn Tử Ton That Nguyen ngtieudao Lê Quốc Việt Du Miên Quang-Tu Vu phamthanh210 An Khang 63 zeus7777 Trương Ngọc Trân Diệu Tiến ... ... Việt Nam (161 lượt xem) - Senegal (13 lượt xem) - Hoa Kỳ (12 lượt xem) - ... ...