So Mrs. Hauksbee, in The Foundry which overlooks Simla Mall, sat at the feet of Mrs. Mallowe and gathered wisdom. The end of the Conference was the Great Idea upon which Mrs. Hauksbee so plumed herself.
I warn you, said Mrs. Mallowe, beginning to repent of her suggestion, that the matter is not half so easy as it looks. Any womaneven the Topsham Girlcan catch a man, but very, very few know how to manage him when caught.
My child, was the answer, Ive been a female St. Simon Stylites looking down upon men for thesethese years past. Ask The Mussuck whether I can manage them.
Mrs. Hauksbee departed humming, Ill go to him and say to him in manner most ironical. Mrs. Mallowe laughed to herself. Then she grew suddenly sober. I wonder whether Ive done well in advising that amusement? Lucys a clever woman, but a thought too careless.
A week later the two met at a Monday Pop. Well? said Mrs. Mallowe.
Ive caught him! said Mrs. Hauksbee: her eyes were dancing with merriment.
Who is it, mad woman? Im sorry I ever spoke to you about it.
Look between the pillars. In the third row; fourth from the end. You can see his face now. Look!
Otis Yeere! Of all the improbable and impossible people! I dont believe you.
Hsh! Wait till Mrs. Tarkass begins murdering Milton Wellings; and Ill tell you all about it. S-s-ss! That womans voice always reminds me of an Underground train coming into Earls Court with the brakes on. Now listen. It is really Otis Yeere.
So I see, but does it follow that he is your property!
He is! By right of trove. I found him, lonely and unbefriended, the very next night after our talk, at the Dugald Delanes burra-khana. I liked his eyes, and I talked to him. Next day he called. Next day we went for a ride together, and to-day hes tied to my richshaw-wheels hand and foot. Youll see when the concerts over. He doesnt know Im here yet.
Thank goodness you havent chosen a boy. What are you going to do with him, assuming that youve got him?
Assuming, indeed! Does a womando I ever make a mistake in that sort of thing? First Mrs. Hauksbee ticked off the items ostentatiously on her little gloved fingersFirst, my dear, I shall dress him properly. At present his raiment is a disgrace, and he wears a dress-shirt like a crumpled sheet of the Pioneer. Secondly, after I have made him presentable, I shall form his mannershis morals are above reproach.
You seem to have discovered a great deal about him considering the shortness of your acquaintance.
Surely you ought to know that the first proof a man gives of his interest in a woman is by talking to her about his own sweet self. If the woman listens without yawning, he begins to like her. If she flatters the animals vanity, he ends by adoring her.
In some cases.
Never mind the exceptions. I know which one you are thinking of. Thirdly, and lastly, after he is polished and made pretty, I shall, as you said, be his guide, philosopher, and friend, and he shall become a successas great a success as your friend. I always wondered how that man got on. Did The Mussuck come to you with the Civil List and, dropping on one kneeno, two knees, ê la Gibbonhand it to you and say, Adorable angel, choose your friends appointment?
Lucy, your long experiences of the Military Department have demoralised you. One doesnt do that sort of thing on the Civil Side.
No disrespect meant to Jacks Service, my dear. I only asked for information. Give me three months, and see what changes I shall work in my prey.
Go your own way since you must. But Im sorry that I was weak enough to suggest the amusement.
I am all discretion, and may be trusted to an in-fin-ite extent, quoted Mrs. Hauksbee from The Fallen Angel; and the conversation ceased with Mrs. Tarkasss last, long-drawn war-whoop.
Her bitterest enemiesand she had many could hardly accuse Mrs. Hauksbee of wasting her time. Otis Yeere was one of those wandering dumb characters, foredoomed through life to be nobodys property. Ten years in Her Majestys Bengal Civil Service, spent, for the most part, in undesirable Districts, had given him little to be proud of, and nothing to bring confidence. Old enough to have lost the first fine careless rapture that showers on the immature Stunt imaginary Commissionerships and Stars, and sends him into the collar with coltish earnestness and abandon; too young to be yet able to look back upon the progress he had made, and thank Providence that under the conditions of the day he had come even so far, he stood upon the dead-centre of his career. And when a man stands still he feels the slightest impulse from without. Fortune had ruled that Otis Yeere should be, for the first part of his service, one of the rank and file who are ground up in the wheels of the Administration; losing heart and soul, and mind and strength, in the process. Until steam replaces manual power in the working of the Empire, there must always be this percentagemust always be the men who are used up, expended, in the mere mechanical routine. For these promotion is far off and the mill-grind of every day very instant. The Secretariats know them only by name; they are not the picked men of the Districts with Divisions and Collectorates awaiting them. They are simply the rank and filethe food for fever sharing with the ryot and the plough-bullock the honour of being the plinth on which the State rests. The older ones have lost their aspirations; the younger are putting theirs aside with a sigh. Both learn to endure patiently until the end of the day. Twelve years in the rank and file, men say, will sap the hearts of the bravest and dull the wits of the most keen.
Out of this life Otis Yeere had fled for a few months; drifting, in the hope of a little masculine society, into Simla. When his leave was over he would return to his swampy, sour-green, under-manned Bengal district; to the native Assistant, the native Doctor, the native Magistrate, the steaming, sweltering Station, the ill-kempt City, and the undisguised insolence of the Municipality that babbled away the lives of men. Life was cheap, however. The soil spawned humanity, as it bred frogs in the Rains, and the gap of the sickness of one season was filled to overflowing by the fecundity of the next. Otis was unfeignedly thankful to lay down his work for a little while and escape from the seething, whining, weakly hive, impotent to help itself, but strong in its power to cripple, thwart, and annoy the sunkeneyed man who, by official irony, was said to be in charge of it.
I knew there were women-dowdies in Bengal. They come up here sometimes. But I didnt know that there were men-dowds, too.
Then, for the first time, it occurred to Otis Yeere that his clothes wore rather the mark of the ages. It will be seen that his friendship with Mrs. Hauksbee had made great strides.
As that lady truthfully says, a man is never so happy as when he is talking about himself. From Otis Yeeres lips Mrs. Hauksbee, before long, learned everything that she wished to know about the subject of her experiment: learned what manner of life he had led in what she vaguely called those awful cholera districts; learned, too, but this knowledge came later, what manner of life he had purposed to lead and what dreams he had dreamed in the year of grace 77, before the reality had knocked the heart out of him. Very pleasant are the shady bridle-paths round Prospect Hill for the telling of such confidences.
Not yet, said Mrs. Hauksbee to Mrs. Maliowe. Not yet. I must wait until the man is properly dressed, at least. Great heavens, is it possible that he doesnt know what an honour it is to be taken up by Me!
Mrs. Hauksbee did not reckon false modesty as one of her failings.
Always with Mrs. Hauksbee! murmured Mrs. Mallowe, with her sweetest smile, to Otis. Oh you men, you men! Here are our Punjabis growling because youve monopolised the nicest woman in Simla. Theyll tear you to pieces on the Mall, some day, Mr. Yeere.
Mrs. Mallowe rattled downhill, having satisfied herself, by a glance through the fringe of her sunshade, of the effect of her words.
The shot went home. Of a surety Otis Yeere was somebody in this bewildering whirl of Simlahad monopolised the nicest woman in it, and the Punjabis were growling. The notion justified a mild glow of vanity. He had never looked upon his acquaintance with Mrs. Hauksbee as a matter for general interest.
The knowledge of envy was a pleasant feeling to the man of no account. It was intensified later in the day when a luncher at the Club said spitefully, Well, for a debilitated Ditcher, Yeere, you are going it. Hasnt any kind friend told you that shes the most dangerous woman in Simla?
Yeere chuckled and passed out. When, oh, when would his new clothes be ready? He descended into the Mall to inquire; and Mrs. Hauksbee, coming over the Church Ridge in her rickshaw, looked down upon him approvingly. Hes learning to carry himself as if he were a man, instead of a piece of furniture,and, she screwed up her eyes to see the better through the sunlighthe is a man when he holds himself like that. O blessed Conceit, what should we be without you?
With the new clothes came a new stock of self-confidence. Otis Yeere discovered that he could enter a room without breaking into a gentle perspirationcould cross one, even to talk to Mrs. Hauksbee, as though rooms were meant to be crossed. He was for the first time in nine years proud of himself, and contented with his life, satisfied with his new clothes, and rejoicing in the friendship of Mrs. Hauksbee.
Conceit is what the poor fellow wants, she said in confidence to Mrs. Mallowe. I believe they must use Civilians to plough the fields with in Lower Bengal. You see I have to begin from the very beginninghavent I? But youll admit, wont you, dear, that he is immensely improved since I took him in hand. Only give me a little more time and he wont know himself.
Indeed, Yeere was rapidly beginning to forget what he had been. One of his own rank and file put the matter brutally when he asked Yeere, in reference to nothing, And who has been making you a Member of Council, lately? You carry the side of half-a-dozen of em.
IIm awfly sorry. I didnt mean it, you know, said Yeere apologetically.
Therell be no holding you, continued the old stager grimly. Climb down, Otisclimb down, and get all that beastly affectation knocked out of you with fever! Three thousand a month wouldnt support it.
Yeere repeated the incident to Mrs. Hauksbee. He had come to look upon her as his Mother Confessor.
And you apologised! she said. Oh, shame! I hate a man who apologises. Never apologise for what your friend called side. Never! Its a mans business to be insolent and overbearing until he meets with a stronger. Now, you bad boy, listen to me.
Simply and straightforwardly, as the rickshaw loitered round Jakko, Mrs. Hauksbee preached to Otis Yeere the Great Gospel of Conceit, illustrating it with living pictures encountered during their Sunday afternoon stroll.
Good gracious! she ended with the personal argument, youll apologise next for being my attaché!
Never! said Otis Yeere. Thats another thing altogether. I shall always be
Whats coming? thought Mrs. Hauksbee.
Proud of that, said Otis.
Safe for the present, she said to herself.
But Im afraid I have grown conceited. Like Jeshurun, you know. When he waxed fat, then he kicked. Its the having no worry on ones mind and the Hill air, I suppose.
Hill air, indeed! said Mrs. Hauksbee to herself. Hed have been hiding in the Club till the last day of his leave, if I hadnt discovered him. And aloud
Why shouldnt you be? You have every right to.
I! Why?
Oh, hundreds of things. Im not going to waste this lovely afternoon by explaining; but I know you have. What was that heap of manuscript you showed me about the grammar of the aboriginalwhats their names?
Gullals. A piece of nonsense. Ive far too much work to do to bother over Gullals now. You should see my District. Come down with your husband some day and Ill show you round. Such a lovely place in the Rains! A sheet of water with the railway-embankment and the snakes sticking out, and, in the summer, green flies and green squash. The people would die of fear if you shook a dogwhip at em. But they know youre forbidden to do that, so they conspire to make your life a burden to you. My Districts worked by some man at Darjiling, on the strength of a native pleaders false reports. Oh, its a heavenly place!
Otis Yeere laughed bitterly.
Theres not the least necessity that you should stay in it. Why do you?
Because I must. Howm I to get out of it?
How! In a hundred and fifty ways. If there werent so many people on the road Id like to box your ears. Ask, my dear boy, ask! Look! There is young Hexarly with six years service and half your talents. He asked for what he wanted, and he got it. See, down by the Convent! Theres McArthurson, who has come to his present position by askingsheer, downright askingafter he had pushed himself out of the rank and file. One man is as good as another in your servicebelieve me. Ive seen Simla for more seasons than I care to think about. Do you suppose men are chosen for appointments because of their special fitness beforehand? You have all passed a high testwhat do you call it?in the beginning, and, except for the few who have gone altogether to the bad, you can all work hard. Asking does the rest. Call it cheek, call it insolence, call it anything you like, but ask! Men argueyes, I know what men saythat a man, by the mere audacity of his request, must have some good in him. A weak man doesnt say: Give me this and that. He whines: Why havent I been given this and that? If you were in the Army, I should say learn to spin plates or play a tambourine with your toes. As it isask! You belong to a Service that ought to be able to command the Channel Fleet, or set a leg at twenty minutes notice, and yet you hesitate over asking to escape from a squashy green district where you admit you are not master. Drop the Bengal Government altogether. Even Darjiling is a little out-of-the-way hole. I was there once, and the rents were extortionate. Assert yourself. Get the Government of India to take you over. Try to get on the Frontier, where every man has a grand chance if he can trust himself. Go somewhere! Do something! You have twice the wits and three times the presence of the men up here, and, andMrs. Hauksbee paused for breath; then continuedand in any way you look at it, you ought to. You who could go so far!
I dont know, said Yeere, rather taken aback by the unexpected eloquence. I havent such a good opinion of myself.
It was not strictly Platonic, but it was Policy. Mrs. Hauksbee laid her hand lightly upon the ungloved paw that rested on the turned-back rickshaw hood, and, looking the man full in the face, said tenderly, almost too tenderly, I believe in you if you mistrust yourself. Is that enough, my friend?
It is enough, answered Otis very solemnly.
He was silent for a long time, redreaming the dreams that he had dreamed eight years ago, but through them all ran, as sheet-lightning through golden cloud, the light of Mrs. Hauksbees violet eyes.
Curious and impenetrable are the mazes of Simla lifethe only existence in this desolate land worth the living. Gradually it went abroad among men and women, in the pauses between dance, play, and Gymkhana, that Otis Yeere, the man with the newly-lit light of self-confidence in his eyes, had done something decent in the wilds whence he came. He had brought an erring Municipality to reason, appropriated the funds on his own responsibility, and saved the lives of hundreds. He knew more about the Gullals than any living man. Had a vast knowledge of the aboriginal tribes; was, in spite of his juniority, the greatest authority on the aboriginal Gullals. No one quite knew who or what the Gullals were till The Mussuck, who had been calling on Mrs. Hauksbee, and prided himself upon picking peoples brains, explained they were a tribe of ferocious hillmen, somewhere near Sikkim, whose friendship even the Great Indian Empire would find it worth her while to secure. Now we know that Otis Yeere had showed Mrs. Hauksbee his MS. notes of six years standing on these same Gullals. He had told her, too, how, sick and shaken with the fever their negligence had bred, crippled by the loss of his pet clerk, and savagely angry at the desolation in his charge, he had once damned the collective eyes of his intelligent local board for a set of haramzadas. Which act of brutal and tyrannous oppression won him a Reprimand Royal from the Bengal Government; but in the anecdote as amended for Northern consumption we find no record of this. Hence we are forced to conclude that Mrs. Hauksbee edited his reminiscences before sowing them in idle ears, ready, as she well knew, to exaggerate good or evil. And Otis Yeere bore himself as befitted the hero of many tales.
You can talk to me when you dont fall into a brown study. Talk now, and talk your brightest and best, said Mrs. Hauksbee.
Otis needed no spur. Look to a man who has the counsel of a woman of or above the world to back him. So long as he keeps his head, he can meet both sexes on equal groundan advantage never intended by Providence, who fashioned Man on one day and Woman on another, in sign that neither should know more than a very little of the others life. Such a man goes far, or, the counsel being withdrawn, collapses suddenly while his world seeks the reason.
Generalled by Mrs. Hauksbee, who, again, had all Mrs. Mallowes wisdom at her disposal, proud of himself and, in the end, believing in himself because he was believed in, Otis Yeere stood ready for any fortune that might befall, certain that it would be good. He would fight for his own hand, and intended that this second struggle should lead to better issue than the first helpless surrender of the bewildered Stunt.
What might have happened it is impossible to say. This lamentable thing befell, bred directly by a statement of Mrs. Hauksbee that she would spend the next season in Darjiling.
Are you certain of that? said Otis Yeere.
Quite. Were writing about a house now.
Otis Yeere stopped dead, as Mrs. Hauksbee put it in discussing the relapse with Mrs. Mallowe.
He has behaved, she said angrily, just like Captain Kerringtons ponyonly Otis is a donkeyat the last Gymkhana. Planted his forefeet and refused to go on another step. Polly, my mans going to disappoint me. What shall I do?
As a rule, Mrs. Mallowe does not approve of staring, but on this occasion she opened her eyes to the utmost.
You have managed cleverly so far,she said. Speak to him, and ask him what he means.
I willat to-nights dance.
Noo, not at a dance, said Mrs. Mallowe cautiously. Men are never themselves quite at dances. Better wait till to-morrow morning.
Nonsense. If hes going to vert in this insane way there isnt a day to lose. Are you going? No? Then sit up for me, theres a dear. I shant stay longer than supper under any circumstances.
Mrs. Mallowe waited through the evening, looking long and earnestly into the fire, and sometimes smiling to herself.
Oh! oh! oh! The mans an idiot! A raving, positive idiot! Im sorry I ever saw him!
Mrs. Hauksbee burst into Mrs. Mallowes house, at midnight, almost in tears.
What in the world has happened? said Mrs. Mallowe, but her eyes showed that she had guessed an answer.
Happened! Everything has happened! He was there. I went to him and said, Now, what does this nonsense mean? Dont laugh, dear, I cant bear it. But you know what I mean I said. Then it was a square, and I sat it out with him and wanted an explanation, and he saidOh! I havent patience with such idiots! You know what I said about going to Darjiling next year? It doesnt matter to me where I go. Id have changed the Station and lost the rent to have saved this. He said, in so many words, that he wasnt going to try to work up any more, becausebecause he would be shifted into a province away from Darjiling, and his own District, where these creatures are,is within a days journey
Ahhh! said Mrs. Mallowe, in a tone of one who has successfully tracked an obscure word through a large dictionary.
Did you ever hear of anything so madso absurd? And he had the ball at his feet. He had only to kick it! I would have made him anything! Anything in the wide world. He could have gone to the worlds end. I would have helped him. I made him, didnt I, Polly? Didnt I create that man? Doesnt he owe everything to me? And to reward me, just when everything was nicely arranged, by this lunacy that spoilt everything!
Very few men understand your devotion thoroughly.
Oh, Polly, dont laugh at me! I give men up from this hour. I could have killed him then and there. What right had this manthis Thing I had picked out of his filthy paddy - fieldsto make love to me?
He did that, did he?
He did. I dont remember half he said, I was so angry. Oh, but such a funny thing happened! I cant help laughing at it now, though I felt nearly ready to cry with rage. He raved and I stormedIm afraid we must have made an awful noise in our kala juggah. Protect my character, dear, if its all over Simla by to-morrowand then he bobbed forward in the middle of this insanityI firmly believe the mans dementedand kissed me.
Morals above reproach, purred Mrs. Mallowe.
So they wereso they are! It was the most absurd kiss. I dont believe hed ever kissed a woman in his life before. I threw my head back, and it was a sort of slidy, pecking dab, just on the end of the chinhere. Mrs. Hauksbee tapped her masculine little chin with her fan. Then, of course, I was furiously angry, and told him that he was no gentleman, and I was sorry Id ever met him, and so on. He was crushed so easily then I couldnt be very angry. Then I came away straight to you.
Was this before or after supper?
Oh! beforeoceans before. Isnt it perfectly disgusting?
Let me think. I withhold judgment till tomorrow. Morning brings counsel.
But morning brought only a servant with a dainty bouquet of Annandale roses for Mrs. Hauksbee to wear at the dance at Viceregal Lodge that night.
He doesnt seem to be very penitent, said Mrs. Mallowe. Whats the billet-doux in the centre?
Mrs. Hauksbee opened the neatly-folded note,another accomplishment that she had taught Otis,read it, and groaned tragically.
Last wreck of a feeble intellect! Poetry! Is it his own, do you think? Oh, that I ever built my hopes on such a maudlin idiot!
No. Its a quotation from Mrs. Browning, and in view of the facts of the case, as Jack says, uncommonly well chosen. Listen
I didntI didntI didnt!said Mrs. Hauksbee angrily, her eyes filling with tears; there was no malice at all. Oh, its too vexatious!
Youve misunderstood the compliment, said Mrs. Mallowe. He clears you completely andahemI should think by this, that he has cleared completely too. My experience of men is that when they begin to quote poetry they are going to flit. Like swans singing before they die, you know.
Polly, you take my sorrows in a most unfeeling way.
Do I? Is it so terrible? If hes hurt your vanity, I should say that youve done a certain amount of damage to his heart.
Oh, you can never tell about a man! said Mrs. Hauksbee.